JP On Gaming

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Die ye forum troll! [Rant]

When I posted my "I hate forums" post last week, I ended up with a number of things that drove me insane. Namely, the trolls. As I wrote and wrote, it became obvious that this Death to trolls post was required. They have to be outed, categorized and hung. Then stabbed. With a knife. To death.

The Trolls

Trolls come from many places and many backgrounds. Many grow their tusks only when they sit at their computers, away from others and

And the many types of trolls. All of which should be slain, their corpses and computers splashed with alchemist fire and flasks of acid.

   -  The Chain-poster. I will talk about one of the VLs at Paizo who lives on the forums and that chain replies to EVERYTHING (someone-A/ him/ someone-A/ him/ someone-B/ him/ someone-C/ him...). Worse thing: he sometimes replies to himself - often to correct his own mistake.

   -  The Self-Appointed Expert. One who usually gets things right, but who says it in such a parsimonious way that you just want to ignore them or want the info to come from someone else.

   -  That Guy with a story. Yes, THAT guy. His GM did scarred him for life and to this day, he just can't help telling it. He wants the world to tell him how right he is and that his GM was malicious and did not soften the blows when he targeted his character which resulted in a death.. He keeps posting or referring to "the story" all the time. Though he initially tries to cover peoples' identities, it often goes: "My GM" then "His name is B-Simpson" then "His name is Bart-S" then "that a-hole Bart Simpson"... You've heard the sob story.

   -  That Guy with a fake story. Pretty much like the previous guy, but his story is just BS. His character didn't die, wasn't serious incapacitated, and after some digging, he's often bitching for his friend who WOULD have a story, OR for what he thinks people did not give him the respect he (thinks he) deserved.

   -  The Perpetual Noob This guys was new in 2006 and he keeps asking the same questions today. These questions are always asked in a slightly different manner. Sometimes these guys use the "I only play once a year," excuse but they have four 10+ level characters.

   -  The Dude Who Does Not Get The Answer He Wants Sometimes misinterpreted as the Perpetual Noob. He just has one thing in mind "*MY* synthesists isn't broken, so why can't *I* play it" Or "Can I play a warforged in Pathfinder?" or (yes I saw this once) "I rolled my character for Pathfinder Society and got three 18s, two 16s and a 5! My friend saw me! Why can't I play my character?"

   -  The Opinionator this guy often appears like one of the other, but his underlying goal is different. The opinionator wishes for everyone to listen to his opinion and generate as many replies as he can. Some are motivated by the sheer challenge of riling others up. This guy is the one that generates a lot of traffic.

   -  The Orthodox this guy is a "reactive troll". He lurks and prowls until he sees something that allows him to go on the offensive and feel righteous rage and disgust at something. At that point, they attack whoever dares to raise an opinion divergent (I won't go so far as to say contrary) from his own and/or that of the establishment. Obviously without a life of his own, the Orthodox ensures that everyone is as mediocre as he is (few people of this type are creative, would ever encourage creativity or even understand the concept of creativity...)

You will remember my post about If you don't like it, don't play it back in June. I really received a lot of flak for trying to promote an openness, and avoid surprising the players with a play style that is far from the norm. You will be happy to know that one of the now-VL (who I referenced as the "Whiny Bitch" in the article) has banned me from attending any of his games, even though they are all "public and open". My point of "the GM has final say" holds true, and I was defending his right even if he opposed me. Meh. He proves my point. No, I will not post his name in spite of your asking, while I know he is a troll, it would give him even more power. And he must be slain and flayed, not elevated...


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