I am writing this entry to answer everyone at once. Ever since my announced departure from my position as a Writing Director, I received a number of email regarding my departure "Why are you leaving?" or "Who pissed you off this time?" being the two most common questions. So I decided to post it up here for everyone at once.
I have a strange personal habit. There are two albums I absolutely adore, yet every time I feel drawn to those two albums, I know something in my life is bothering and it is time for a change. The first one is Genesis’ Wind and Wuthering and the second is Marillion’s Clutching at Straws. Not that there is any specific lyric that draws my ear. It’s more of a mood thing. It’s one of those ethereal things that you just cannot explain. It just is. Though I used to consciously listen to them (particularly when I traveled in the metro or bus), I found myself looking at my Winamp playlist. And yes... There they were. The entire Wind and Wuthering and most of Clutching at Straws was there (minus one song).
I had a sudden realization. Something had to be done. Something unconsciously was trying to tell me something. It was neither long nor difficult to find out what had to change. It was a decision I had been contemplating for some time.
It has been six years since I met with Daniel Mayrand in that small, freezing empty bar in Montreal and I had my start in the RPGA, and I got back into Dungeons and Dragons after a ten year hiatus. Six year later, everything has changed. It is one and a half edition later. The campaign that got me in is dead and gone. The faces have changed. My life has changed a lot (moved 3 times in that time, including a move to Colorado, three kids). The game remains.
During the Holiday season, I was sitting in my parent’s kitchen in Phoenix (AZ) looking at the tasks I had set before me: complete an adventure, make sure my storylines held the road, play with my three kids, play golf with my father and other writing projects. I found myself lacking the motivation to do either of the first two. I had no desire to write, edit or design a storyline anymore. At least, not with the tools I had before me.
That’s when I knew.
I knew it was time to move on. I thought I’d be annoyed, worried, angry or even sad. But far from it all, instead I found myself at peace with myself and my decision. I have been thinking about it for a while now but every time, I felt some pang of attachment pulling me back. But this time, I was so Zen about the decision that my lovely wife (Julie) even commented that I looked "oddly relieved".
So I came back to Colorado Springs with the firm intention of sending that email as soon as I got back. But life got in the way and I had to attend other things. I posted some of my thoughts on Facebook about my decision. My good friend Troy recommended that I give it an honest try. So I went to one of Lenny’s game days at Gamers’ Haven (my FLGS) and played what turned out to be the best LFR game I ever played (thank you Tena & table). That delayed the sending of my email a few days. But when I had to go back and put my nose to the grindstone, I found I could not, not with the enthusiasm and energy it deserved.
I told Lenny and Mike of my decision, two guys for whom I have the greatest respect. Their dedication and their enthusiasm for the campaign have pulled me through a lot for a long time. Two things I could no longer match or find support in. So I composed my email to Chris Tulach and Dru Moore and that was it. A few days later, everything was done. Email sent. Decision done.
Signed. Sealed. Delivered.
There it is. The inner and outer journey that led me to this decision. I see many interesting challenges ahead and have a calendar full of things I want to do and write. Pathfinder, Call of Cthulhu, miniature gaming and this little project of world-building I’ve been blogging about, I'm also open to writing for LFR/4e if anyone needs a reliable author. In fact as I write this, I am finishing work on BALD2-2 Broken Pride, an adventure I'm doing for my friend Otavio in Brasil, based on his original idea. Should be a nice departure from the usual crawl. I want to organize some special events locally.
That's it really. As a free man, I wish everyone in LFR the best of luck and to continue all their hard work for the campaign to make it better all the time. I leave with my head high, with a feeling of having accomplished as much as I could within the RPGA, but now its time for others to carry the torch. As is written in the Montreal Canadien's locker room (that's the Hockey Team) Nos bras meurtris vous tendent le flambeau (Our tired arms pass on the torch).
Most of Clutching at Straws and Wind and Wuthering is off my playlist now. Odd. As I write this, Marillion’s Made Again came on. I’ll leave you with the words from that great song. Fitting.
I have been here many times before
In a life I used to live
But I have never seen these streets so fresh
Washed with morning rain
Like the whole world has been made again
So, I’ll see everyone around the gaming table, where everything happens. The rest is just talk.